aleeksandra118

 Back to schooooooool

I didnt miss it!

 I havent posted in foreverrrrrr! I'm gonna make it new and pretty as soon as I'm done typing this!

I don't really know what I was planning to say here.

I love paramore and conditions
myspace.com/conditionsband

()

Everyone should listen to them. Alot. 

It's a great cause!! Click the pretty banner!!



:D please :D

no one's reading this, are they??



during spring break :)

i hate allergies- i feel like crap. but i might have a job soon.

if you're reading this could you just leave a one word/letter comment to let me know maybe??

1.my dad is an ass and i'm sick of it
2.i feel guilty
3.no one will help me
4.even my therapist is abandoning me
5.i'm tired of dealing with myself
6.it's not that i want to die-it's that i don't want to live
7. i'm tired of my life
8. i can't do anything right
9. i'm probably going to end up relapsing tonight
10.i don't know anymore

Hey!! So, things have been a bit better lately. I held my friend's newborn baby (7 days old) in thursday-she's adorable :)  And I passes my lifeguarding class today. I have a bit of a...crush on the teacher. Which worked out well for me because i volunteered to be his "victim" on this brace hold were his hand is supporting my head and neck and his arm is going down my spine and his other hand is around my jaw line and his arm is going down the middle of my body. And I got backboarded and there's a strap around the chest and he unclipped it and his hand brushed up against me. If I get the job I want, he'll be my boss. <3

And school's coming back tomorrow, but for once I feel like I can handle it maybe.  I'll post more later :).

I don't know what to fucking do anymore. No one's going to read this- no one's going to help me. No one cares enough to see thru my bullshit. I can't stop eating. I'm so fat-my hair's ugly and huge. I have no self control, I say the wrong things and I can't fucking get better-ever. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why won't anyone fucking help me???????????????????? am i that invisible that they don't see this? do they not see this fucked up disgusting person in me? what do i do? why am i posting this?

I'm going back to swimming on wednesday! I'm so excited to see my coach and all my friends- I haven't been in a month. I'm a bit scared of what my coach will say- but I shouldn't be. What I am nervous about is getting into a suit triggering my depression again. It was the main reason I took a break- to handle the depression. I don't want it to interfear (sp?) again. And god damn it- I want to be skinny. I was doing really well and then my bro and his gf made fondue- it was so good- I had cheese/bread and chocolate/a lot. His gf is so beautiful too. She's the only female rolemodel I have in my life, honestly. She's smart, beautiful, funny, skinny, has great hair, confident, and has a great boyfriend. Ugh- jealous. Any tips on losing weight? I know I have a problem actually getting up and going to the gym, but I guess I have to make it a habit.

PLEASE COMMENT!!

<3

My hands are warm, my feet are FREEZING and I have socks on. I'm gonna put on another pair soon. I still love Dr.Drew. The anxiety about tomorrow is setting in- about the concert. I mean, I'm excited, but I have ALOT of anxiety about not making it to the bathroom- or having to go and not having a bathroom available. My parents are driving me freaking insane. I'm exhausted. I haven't seen my therapist in two weeks- which I don't really mind- I hate her. Gah- I'm so tired and blah. I need drugs. Not like that though.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am sooooooo tired. I mistyped that four times. Ah- i think I have the flu. and i LOVE dr.drew.

I want Dr.Drew to come and whisk me away. I want to have control. I want Dr.Drew to come and whisk me away damn it! Ahh, I know it won't happen- but he just seems like the only person who really cares about all my problems. I'm gonna eat cake later. I went to the gym with Rachel today :D. Useless, huh?  So..... school's stressing me out and I hate it- I can't have a freaking life except for only two days a week- saturday and sunday- it's never enough. I WANT DR.DREW TO COME AND WHISK ME AWAY!!!!! He's so caring- and he  asked about ME. No one asks about me. It was so nice. But whatever- I know it won't happen. So- if you're reading this- please just comment saying you read it- I feel lonely.

So, here's a laundry list of what's going on with me.

I'm going to the Conditions show on Friday at The National and can't wait!!!

I might be getting a nice camera before the show

I've talked to Dr.Drew twice now- called him wednesday- <3 him :)

I'm getting a new mattress tomorrow.

I feel like there should be more things on the list, but I'm gonna start updating the old Live Journal- or try to. So

Hello. I am so flipping tired! And confused and whatever. I know I say this a bit lot, but I hate school. I want to do so much with my time, and I don't have any time to  actually do it. What do I want to do, you ask? Write, play music, write music, SLEEP!!! I don't really know anymore... oh well. So, here's my usual "About me":
1) My name's Alexandra
2) I swim year round, on Nova- I love it but it takes up so much time
3) I LOVE Evanescence- seriously- I like to think I know the most of like everyone, but I don't. Just more than almost anyone not on EvThreads, or I like to think so
4) I'm pyscho about office supplies and I love pens and writing notes and color coding with highlight.
5) I could not live without music- I swear to god, people say that all the time, but I mean it 100%
6) My favorite number is 3
7) I write my fours like they show up on the computer, and I like it like that
8) I dunno
I can't think of anything else for now. Sorry if it's a while before I post again- I'm busy, dur, but I'll try.

Hey! I really just joined this so that I could post on here because there's almost no stories, which is really sad, because all of the stories on it right now are amazing. But I had to post this to get rid of the random stuff that's posted right now.

-Alexandra